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new pair of shoes

> reflection
..........i'm trying,
..........i'm trying
..........to live up to the beauty in your eyes,
..........but i'm failing,
..........i'm ugly,
..........and i'm unworthy of your love.
..........still you're willing sit --
..........rock me to sleep each night;
..........still you're willing to lay --
..........sleep with my demons
..........and wake with my fears,
..........as you hold my sorry face
..........and i cry these useless tears,
..........cause i know...
..........you'll grow tired of me.
..........you'll grow tired,
..........more tired,
..........you'll see,
..........and you'll leave,
..........and you'll leave.

> warning
..........i'm beginning to love and to need you --
..........it's something i've been trying to avoid.
..........but there's something,
..........something i have to tell you --
..........it's getting harder and harder for me hide.
..........you see...
..........i look whole on the outside,
..........but i'm broken and deficient
..........and missing things on the inside.
..........i look fine when i smile
..........but it's just a show,
..........not the truth.
..........i'm really crying
..........and screaming inside,
..........cause I just don't work right.
..........i'm fucked up and sad
..........and i just don't work right.
..........i'm an injured neurotic animal
..........perpetually cornered and afraid --
..........bite the hand that feeds me;
..........scratch the hand that pets me;
..........snarl if you try to leave.
..........so i'll understand
..........if you have to go
..........now,
..........now that you know.

> jealousy
..........oh i feel less than zero --
..........and not just tonight,
..........but all the time now.
..........i... i'm trying to figure myself out.
..........cause i... i don't want to lose you,
..........but i just don't know how to lose this fight.
..........i... i'm just trying to find a back door
..........or a loophole.
..........at the very least,
..........i... i'm just trying to justify my feelings,
..........so you can forgive me
..........for all the cruel words i say
..........out of fear and envy.

permanent sleep

> asphyxiation
..........i can't get, i can't get, i can't get
..........enough of that thick black smoke in my eyes.
..........i like it, i like it, i like it
..........when i can't catch my breath --
..........i don't wanna to breathe
..........anymore.
..........i don't wanna see --
..........no, i don't wanna see
..........what's happ'ning, what's happ'ning --
..........i don't wanna see what's happ'ning to me.
..........so keep... keep on burning those tires, sweetheart.
..........please, don't stop burning those tires, sweetheart.
..........i don't wanna see --
..........don't make me look.
..........i don't wanna see
..........what's happ'ning to me.

> overdose
..........swallow
..........one dry shiny pill at a time.
..........water --
..........if i only had enough water.
..........tired --
..........sprawled across the bathroom floor,
..........i grow more tired.
..........going away.
..........sleepier and sleepier,
..........i'm getting to that place
..........where i won't wake.

> drowning
..........dip my head under the water.
..........i won't make the same mistake this time.
..........open my mouth.
..........close my eyes.
..........this time i swear i won't come up.
..........this time i know i won't the same mistake
..........i made all those other times.

> hanging
..........two... two shoes on the floor.
..........two... two bare feet, side by side.
..........i stand high atop the kitchen table.
..........i throw one end 'round the beam
..........and the other 'round my neck.
..........i get ready to take
..........my last step.
..........i put my left first
..........and the right foot next.
..........it might hurt --
..........oh, the pain --
..........or maybe i won't feel a thing
..........as i start to swing.

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